just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
