I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
