Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
