there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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