Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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