hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
