I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
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We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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