You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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