hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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