talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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