We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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