I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
