I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
