Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
