just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You ate ashes out of my bong
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
