im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize