dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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