i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
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See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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