I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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