Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
