ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize