put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
