People with herpes should wear stickers.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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