i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey