I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING