They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now