they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else