What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have feelings that need drinking.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.