Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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