this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
