I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
