I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize