And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
