Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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