who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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