Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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