Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
