it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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