I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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