I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
