Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize