I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
kristin has been a bad kristin
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
