I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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