I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
