think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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