College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
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