you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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