Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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