I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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