I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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