Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
