just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
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Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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