So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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