I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
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